Silent Room Ringtone

Dear whoever is out there,

So today I was sitting with Emilia in a large lecture theater accompanied by about 700 eager students and one of the most avoidable yet unbearably humiliating thing happened. Em and I were late for class so we had to sit directly in the front since literary every other seat was taken… We quickly got out our books and began to frantically scribble down whatever was on the projector. I was in such a rush that I had no time to settle in and do things like take my jacket off, sharpen my pencil or turn the volume off on my phone –can you guess what happens next?- About 45 minutes went by and all is good, I checked my Facebook, filled in all my margins with doodles and because I was feeling extra productive I had even finished copying down the note. Then strangely I begin to hear the Rocky Balboa theme song. At first I just thought it was in my head but then the music started to get louder… and louder and finally I realized that that was my ringtone! I looked around to see if anyone else had noticed, and to my disappointment I saw 700 pairs of eyes beating down on me like the sun on a desert. Then in one clumsy, desperate movement I flung my phone out of my bag, juggled it in my hands for an awkward few seconds and swiped to turn it off. Thankfully I am the most pale skinned person ever so everyone could also see my embarrassment through my red hot checks –like the curly hair and freckle’s aren’t enough-. Afterwards I scrunched so far into my seat I could almost feel the plastic frame mold to my body. The professor was really nice about it though and only lectured the class for 5 minutes about how rude it is when your phone goes off in class…

Now I can say that I was one of those people… great… Note to self –and all of you- no matter how busy you are or late, DO NOT leave the ringer of your phone on! I am proud of myself though, I went a whole 2 hours this morning before having another one of my classic “Lou’s embarrassing moments”. I should paten my own brand and print it on t-shirts with an apology to anyone that was a witness. If you have ever been a victim, or have seen someone be a victim of the silent room ringtone please comment and share your battle wounds! Well I’m sure there are many more “Lou moments” to come so stay tuned!

-Lou

Happily Never After…

Dear whoever is out there,

I have to start this entry with a small preface just explaining a little bit about myself. I’m from a small town that’s literally built in the middle of a crater. The majority of our city is rock and boulders with the random tree here and there to provide just enough oxygen so that you don’t hallucinate (darn!). It’s a mining town so just keep the image of my town you have in your head already and add a giant smoke stack with crap coming out of it 24/7. It’s no town for fairy tales or happily ever afters, it’s kinda like someone invaded the house of the seven dwarfs, had them smoke 3 packs of cigarettes a day, sent them to work in mines and Tim Horton’s and gave all their children the same names.

Ok so I’m actually making my little city sound a lot worse, it’s really not that bad, especially if you have the ability to make up situations and stories in your head as I do- it’s not called being crazy, it’s called having a vivid imagination… or so I tell myself-. It makes life interesting, like when a man passes me on the street and I can map out every detail of your life together from marriage, to kids, to the place where we will die, in a matter of seconds. This ability is both a gift and a curse. When you spend half your time in la la land it’s hard to know what has happened and what you’ve made up in your head. In my Louland -as I call it- I am the most interesting person in the world. I’ve been to prison countless times, stole a lot of shit, started riots in class and above all I have successfully married, loved and banged an unnatural amount of men.

Being a romantic comedy junky as I am, I’ve started to believe that when I meet the perfect man it will be exactly like in the movies. A cute yet awkward first meeting where he begins to think I’m the most amazing girl ever, then comes his struggle to befriend me and eventually build up the courage to ask me out. Next comes the falling out because every good movie has a conflict, and finally the moment where he does some grand romantic jester to win me back and live the rest of his life with me. Due to my straying mind, when meeting anyone new I instantly go into Louland, convincing myself that  he didn’t notice me trip since he was too busy staring into my soul. Sadly in reality I’ve tripped over nothing and gone spread eagle into the nearby bush both showing my large and unattractive granny panties and simultaneously made the sounds of a wounded Robbin being drown.

It varies between tripping, getting tangled in whatever I’m wearing, to having a boogie hanging out of my nose. I swear I have the worst luck when it comes to these things and I think that’s why the only time that I’ve actually hooked up with any guy I’ve been drinking or way too distracted to realize what is happening. It’s really sad to think that the majority of intimate moments in my life have been after I’ve downed half a bottle of Disaronno.

Just lately I was walking to class when a group of attractive, tall, perfect athletic men walked passed me. In an attempt to be normal I looked at the one that was eyeing me and smiled. I was so into the moment that I didn’t realize I was walking directly into a pillar. As I hit it I threw my books in the air, made the most disgusting face ever and made the guy literally run to catch up with his friends. Story of my life I guess…

Anyways I will continue to be a romantic until I’m some crazy cat lady, screaming at the neighbourhood kids to get off my lawn. But if anything is to change don’t worry! You will be the first to know.

-Lou

Hi, nice to meet you. I’m a Girl Named Lou

Dear whoever is out there,

To begin. My story is ongoing, day to day events that have no moral or grand meaning. I began this blog for the soul purpose of entertaining others and in some way to make me feel as if someone is interesting in the shit I do. Take whatever you will out of this blog and if it bring joy, inspiration, laughter, or any other sentiment then I will be satisfied. To ensure the discretion of both myself and those around me I will be changing the names and locations but please know that for the most part these are the strange and unfortunate stories of my life.

First off I’m gonna drop the formality. If I’m gonna write anything for more than two blogs then I’m going to have to stop checking over my sentence structure and grammar every 2 seconds, therefore in advance I apologize for the sad writing handy cap that I am.

I have chosen the name Lou to be my alias for two reasons, first I’m a bit of a Johnny Cash (if you don’t get the connection listen to the song a boy named  sue) and second because my name is also a boys’ name so it makes some stories easier to get the point across. I have also chosen the names Emilia for my good friend and roommate, Carter for my older brother, Celeste for my younger sister and the rest you’ll find out later. I hope you enjoy and if you don’t then stop reading and find something else to do.

-Lou